Existential Creativity and Mindfulness

Existential Creativity and Mindfulness

pictures of children in various moods and situations

We are becoming ever more aware of how our inner lives and our mental health, often negatively programmed by our childhood experiences, affect our outer lives – and viceversa – and how we can improve them both by developing our existential creativity through holistic therapeutic approaches and mindfulness practices.

Over the last couple centuries, humanity has become ever more acutely aware of the importance of what happens in our early years. When we are children, we are like sponges, absorbing all kinds of information coming from both the external environment – our parents/caregivers, families, social environments, etc. – and from our inner selves – the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that we experience in our own minds and bodies.

The human journey is a complex and fascinating one, perhaps especially because each of us has an incredibly unique experience of it. Even though there are many things that we have in common with others, there is no “one size fits all” human experience.

This means that two children who grow up in the same home can have very different perceptions and experiences of that family, both because of how they are perceived by the others, and how they themselves experience and perceive their family members.

Whereas the current medical/psychological paradigm would like to be able to reduce all of our inner suffering to neurological processes, and thus easily solve our problems with pills, a holistic attitude goes beyond the purely physiological reality of our lives, and looks at the broader picture.

(Added note: It sounds like there is a big change coming in the general mindset around what mental illness actually is and how to treat it: I just heard today – January 29 , 2026 – that the newly revised edition of the DSM, the diagnostic manual used by mental health professionals and insurance companies to diagnose mental illnesses and establish treatment protocols, will include information on the potential causes of the various diagnoses described, including environmental ones such as family/cultural/socioeconomic environment and physical, psychological and emotional trauma. While there is no question that it is not easy to understand the causes behind the various types of suffering people can experience, there is also no question that to completely ignore the effects of childhood trauma and other environmental factors that clearly have lasting, and often extremely debilitating, effects, is absurd. But that is what mainstream mental health approaches have been doing for decades, which has only reinforced an incredibly myopic view of how we consider mental health, and of general wellness of our complex makeup which is an integrated reality of mental/emotional, physiological, existential/spiritual and environmental factors. Taking into account each of these factors is fundamental if we are to understand how to truly improve our overall health and ability to enjoy the experience of being alive. What a relief that finally the mainstream healthcare community here in the USA is beginning to change, and embrace the wisdom that those of us in the alternative and holistic healthcare sectors have been championing for decades!)

There is no question that when we are under emotional and even physical stress and pressure our brain chemistry can end up being altered, and cause us immense suffering, added onto the pain we experienced during the traumatic experiences themselves. All of this can become a vicious cycle, where our wounds from the past continue to live in the present, due to our own inner mechanisms that were originally designed to help us get through the trauma, but eventually keep us trapped within it.

This can happen at any time during our lifespan, although during childhood we are particularly malleable and vulnerable to the effects of stress, and the effects often don’t show up until much later (check out some of the emerging wisdom around CPTSD for more info on this: I find it fascinating that even just over these past couple years more and more healthcare practitioners are getting on board with the recognition that many mental health issues can be attributed to being exposed to traumatic experiences over time during childhood, and even the NHS has now published a “PTSD and CPTSD Self-Help Guide” , something unheard of even just a few years ago!).

But what are the solutions? It is actually pretty incredible to think that today, 128 years since the publication of Freud’s “Interpretation of Dreams”, which opened the door to an entirely new way of looking at the incredibly complex inner life of human beings, we have a vast “toolbox” that we can turn to, when we are trying to understand why we are suffering and what to do about it.

We often focus on the incredible technological discoveries humanity has made in these 130 years that have completely transformed how we live (the train-automobile-jet-spaceship, the radio-television-internet and now AI, etc. etc.); at the same time, there has been an incredible revolution regarding how we see our possibilities and limitations as human beings, within ourselves.

At the same time Freud was exploring his unconscious and opening the door to the inner life in the West, other kinds of inner explorers were creating new syntheses between Eastern and Western religious thought and experience. During the 20th century not only did the development of psychology, psychotherapy and neuroscience bring us tools for self-understanding and development that we could not have imagined earlier, but the merging of Eastern philosophies with Western ones brought about new ways of considering not only our own inner lives, but our connection to the greater life beyond our individual selves.

This emerging synthesis has brought about, for example, the practice of “Mindfulness”; the awareness that meditation and guided visualization, even when detached from any kind of religious dogma, are things we can learn to do that greatly enhance first of all the functioning of our brains, which then can lead to new decisions that bring us to better outcomes in our personal and professional lives, relationships and all the rest. More and more researchers and practitioners across many disciplines are delving into this increasing awareness, and offering up new “proofs” for insights that have been present within some religious traditions for millennia, and are just now reaching a more mainstream kind of recognition, across the globe. (One of the pioneering researchers in this area is Prof Richard Davidson at the University of Madison – go here to listen to an interesting talk that he gave on the Neuroscience of Mindfulness).

One of the most important findings that Professor Davidson points out is that we can learn to increase our wellbeing, and that indeed, if we learn tools that will help us and practice them, over time our wellbeing increases.

This idea dovetails perfectly with the idea of Life as a Work of Art as conceived of by Antonio Mercurio, and which is at the basis of my holistic LifeArt counseling and coaching approach. This approach affirms that while we may come out of highly traumatic experiences, environments and situations that have left deep wounds within our psyches and our souls, and these wounds most definitely leave their marks on us, we do have the power to choose to learn new ways of thinking, acting and Being that will help us move into both feeling and living better, over time.

Any Art takes practice, and healing from our deep conditioning, that can be truly debilitating sometimes, and show up in persistent depression, anxiety and all kinds of problems, does often require that we look at many different types of support to get to a place where we can become increasingly autonomous and skilled in how we gradually learn how to give ourselves the love we so sorely lack. It is often a long, lifelong process.

But if we can embrace this process as an evolutionary journey, rather than as a kind of condemnation from an unjust universe, we can see that we are actually taking part in an incredible shift in the consciousness of humanity. Whereas even only a few decades ago we had few options at our disposal if we were suffering internally, today we have a vast array of practitioners, theories, techniques and approaches to help us along. Not only do we need to remain shuttered within our pain, feeling ashamed for our suffering, but we can find incredible opportunities for connection and reconnection with others who are also looking for – and finding – new ways not only of healing our early traumas, but of developing healthier, more vibrant and sustainable lives for ourselves, our children, and the opening the door for the generations to come.

Every time we make a decision to do something new, to face our pain with more loving kindness, getting some help in overcoming old patterns of thinking and acting that sometimes have been transmitted to us through the generations (check out my page on Family Constellations work for some insights on that), we are being existentially creative.

The term “existential” comes from the idea that our lives have meaning, but that it is up to us choose the meaning we want to give to it. We actually do have that freedom today, and as the great existentialist philosopher Sartre pointed out, this kind of freedom itself brings with it a certain kind of anguish.

But if we are brave enough to recognize that we actually do have this kind of freedom, however small it may feel to us, due to our circumstances and the kind of familial and/or cultural conditioning we may have been subjected to in the course of our lives, we also can soon discover that while many of our choices seem small indeed, each one we make that brings us more towards love of ourselves and others, rather than towards desperation, or resignation, or outright destructive judgment and abuse, helps us practice wellbeing, wellness and love.

For example, every time we manage to choose to notice when we are berating ourselves over a mistake we have made, and shift that inner voice to instead be kind and supportive; or every time we manage to see that after a disappointment we are attacking our spouse, rather than sitting with the pain of it, and stop before we do so, we are exercising our existential creativity. We are doing something new. We are practicing new ways of both connecting with our inner selves, that can lead us to new ways of interacting with others.

Becoming masters of our own lives is not something that happens over night, and even if we were raised in ideal families and circumstances, life has a way of throwing challenges and pain at us, that we are all called to address, sooner or later.

Rather than seeing these challenges as punishments, and seeing ourselves as helpless victims or martyrs, or feeling we have to instead figure out how to wield even more power over ourselves and others in an attempt to control everything, we can shift into a completely new way of seeing ourselves and life: as existentially creative beings, who can make new choices and even create great love and harmony out of our painful, and sometimes completely loveless, beginnings.

We can become Artists of life, and experience new ways of being, of interacting, of creating beauty, wellbeing and even prosperity for ourselves and others.

The old model of control and dominance is no longer necessary for our survival.

There is enough love and prosperity for everyone, and by learning how to develop our own ability to create the life we are longing for, we are contributing to the birth of a new human era.

Starting in February, I will be offering a workshop series, Life as a Work of Art Laboratories, where together we will explore a variety of tools to help us along in developing our own wellbeing, in alignment with the deeper purposes of life, and in awareness of how our own increased inner harmony and connectedness can contribute to the wellbeing of those around us. I hope to see you there, and if you have any questions about it, please feel free to contact me today for a free chat.

 

 

 

New Year, New Lens! Here’s to 2026 🌟

New Year, New Lens! Here’s to 2026 🌟

Illustration of Le Petit Prince by Antonione de Saint-Exupéry

 Hello Friends!

As we step into 2026, I wanted to share with you a new way of looking at life and the many challenges we can often be faced with, both individually and on a collective level, and that can be of great help in these tumultuous, difficult and yet exciting times of rapid change.

I hope that with the dawning of a new year you will find new energy and inspiration to bring a deeper love and appreciation for your own self and your life, so you can share your unique gifts and talents with others with increasing confidence, satisfaction, and enjoyment: my new workshops, based on these ideas, are being offered with this goal in mind, and I am looking forward to sharing them with you!

Life as a Gift and a Work of Art.

What does this mean, exactly?

It is not so much a therapeutic technique as a way of thinking and seeing the trauma we carry, and the accomplishments and challenges that are present in our lives from the moment of our conception onward, through a brand new lens.

All kinds of tools and techniques can be used to help us develop this kind of Artistry, from more traditional talk therapy to the most avant-garde energy techniques becoming more and more popular over time.  What is important is to define what it actually means to become an Artist of our Life, and why we might want to do so. 

First developed by Antonio Mercurio, the founder of Existential Personalistic and Cosmoartistic Anthropology, it is a holistic way of seeing our human experience, and while it fully honors and recognizes the kind of profound discomfort and disorientation we can experience when we are faced with pain and loss, it also encourages us to see these traumas not so much as condemnations or punishments, but as potential motors for new ways of Being, Seeing, Experiencing, and thus Creating new ways of Living.

It encourages us to embrace even the most difficult past or present traumas and struggles as important parts of our story, as often they are the motors that help us find the strength and courage to change not only how we see and care for ourselves, but how we see the world, and how we truly want to live in it. As we turn to address those inner and outer obstacles that bring us dissatisfaction and trouble and manage to overcome them, we not only live better ourselves, but we create a powerful, transformational energy. This energy is such that it can not only help us continue to heal and grow, heal and grow as we face the various challenges that come up in every life, but, like great works of Art that we may admire in the galleries of the world, it sparks inspiration to create such Beauty in others as well.

The beauty we are talking about here is not the aesthetic beauty normally ascribed to material things; it is an inner beauty that transforms pain into love, fear into new dreams, and opens in the most wounded of souls to new possibilities.

Just as an artist uses many different colors to create a powerful painting, so, too, can we learn to combine the many elements of our lives, including the painful ones, to create a new sense of ourselves and, sometimes, an entirely new direction in our lives.

By shifting our inner attitudes from those of feeling that we are powerless victims of circumstance – which can be very difficult when we come from family and/or societal and cultural situations that are abusive, dysfunctional and deny us basic rights – to realizing that we can learn to love ourselves and our lives, and improve our circumstances through that love and through acts of existential creativity, we can build something entirely new out.

When we choose to do so, we are activating our Inner Artist and becoming actively engaged in affirming the deepest goals of our Higher Self .

The Inner Artist is that part of ourselves that expresses our basic freedom to choose to either move towards love of ourselves and our unique life purpose – our True Self – or instead move away from it. When we move towards our life purpose we feel more fulfilled and whole; when instead we move away from it, we feel empty, conflicted, and full of all kinds of problems. This does not mean that we make one giant leap and become either completely One with our Higher Self, or completely disconnected from it. Although some people may experience such extreme moments of inner choice making and never change again, most of us are on a journey that begins the moment we are conceived, and ends the moment we die. We are offered many choices to experience both types of movements, and with every step forward, or back, we learn something new about ourselves and our lives and about Life itself, as well.

And sometimes we are blocked from moving towards our life purpose by difficult external circumstances. If our parents / caregivers in early life, families and societies are unable to offer us the kind of nurturing and support we need to feel in touch with our own Self and our own deeper value and meaning as a human being, it can be extremely difficult to feel the kind of freedom and confidence we need to do so.

We can also be also be inhibited by types of loyalties and expectations that pull us away from our Selves to make others in our life happy, or to keep the peace, but the cost in our mental, emotional and even physical health can be high. 

Whatever the case may be, the Authentic or True Self, even when deeply buried within us beneath layers of denial and repression, never goes away. Often it takes time for us to be able to truly hear its call and even more time to listen to it. It is a common experience that something happens in the course of our life – a loss, an illness, a divorce, a deep personal crisis of some sort – that forces us to stop and pay attention. The pain of denying our inner truths becomes greater than the fear of listening, and in those moments, we open our minds and hearts, and begin an entirely new journey.

The Inner Artist is always there, and we can tap into its energy at any time, although we often need to learn how to do so in ways that feel right to us, and that can truly lead us towards the purpose contained in our True Self, rather than remain stuck in our past conditioning that suffocates that purpose, or even actively oppose it.

The thing about learning how to access our Inner Artist is that there is no set manual to do so. The manual for our “best life”, along with our ability to truly love ourselves and our lives in respectful connection with others and with Life itself, is written within us, not within anyone else.

For this reason, it is a journey that only we can undertake for ourselves. We need help to do so, because none of us, just like no other life form, grows or changes in a vacuum. We are here to spark growth in each other, and to cheer each other on in an increasingly give and take movement.

But in ultimate analysis, only we can make the choices that lead us towards a loving expression of our unique being, or away from it.

And often the journey is one step forward, and two steps back! It is not an “art” that we learn once. It is an art that we must become willing to practice, to the best of our ability, day after day, accepting that some days we will be more effective than others… but that every day that we try, is a good day.

As we learn this complex and delicate art and tune into our Selves while tuning out the effects of our wounding and conditioning, we become ever more capable of expressing what it is that we are here to express.

This does not mean that we have to be actual “artists” in our daily lives. Whether or not we engage in the “arts” per se, music, painting, dance, etc., or not, we are innately creative, because Life itself is creative, and we are a part of life.

We may be mothers, or fathers, or farmers, or teachers, or CEOs, or scientists; religious people, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, gardeners or not yet clear about anything we are or want to be or do; we may want to live in the woods by ourselves, or feel engaged and important within the hustle of a large metropolis. We may engage in many activities, or few; have many friends and family members, or choose to be alone; be ambitious and driven towards forms of material and societal success and recognition, or satisfied with a simple life.

Each of us is unique, and how we feel most in tune with ourselves and purposeful in our own journey is … well, sacred, and valid, because each life, thus each and every one of us, is sacred and valid.

But often times we don’t know this, because negative voices from our past are louder than the whispers of our Self … and our lack of connection with our inherent worth and our true purpose creates rifts within ourselves and in our interactions with others and the outside world that bring immense confusion, pain, and inner and outer conflict.

When instead we choose to tune into our Inner Artist and affirm the purpose contained within our Personal, Higher Self, we can become capable of making decisions based on love for ourselves and others – an ability to enhance Life in all its forms. And not only does our life begin to evolve in ways that we never dreamed possible, but our own increasing liberation, freedom, and ability to truly enjoy our lives inspires others to make the same effort.

But as I mentioned above, although the Inner Artist is ever-present, as is the Self, learning how to hone our Existential Artistry and actually follow the guidance we receive does often require some deliberate effort and intentional focus on our part. Even the most fortunate among us can be called to higher levels of Self expression, which require new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting in the world.

And just as people with natural artistic talent need to be willing to learn specific techniques and skills so they can best express their gifts, if we want to become expert Artists of our Lives, we, too need to learn new ways of seeing ourselves, our traumas and struggles, our conditioning and our free decisions whether they be Self-affirming, or Self-denying.

We need to become willing look at what the painful experiences we encounter can mean for us, and change our thinking and sometimes even our ways of living to embrace a more enlivened, holistic and engaged way of being.

It does not mean that when we do so we will become perfect, or that we will no longer encounter obstacles; it does not guarantee a quick fix for our inner pain or an automatic solution to the complex and difficult experiences life brings to our door.

Life itself is constantly changing, and we are called to go along with it, even when doing so means letting go of ideas, people, ways of being and thinking that we believed were “forever”.

This new paradigm of Life as a Gift and a Work of Art is not only a new way of seeing and experiencing the world for ourselves and how we can collaborate and connect with others that is not only nurturing and healing, but it is an antidote for the kinds of anxieties that times such as the one we are all living in, during a major evolutionary push. As such, it is not only a huge help, but it is truly exciting!

But how, you may ask, do we embrace this new paradigm, and apply it to our day to day lives?

In the workshops I will be offering in 2026- so far three, on February 21, April 18, and June 20 2026, from 10:30 am to 12:00 pm – we will explore a variety of simple but effective tools and techniques to help you begin to see your own Life as a Work of Art. We will start out by assessing where we are now in our journeys, and from there move on to exploring what we would like to bring into our lives or what we would like to change, and, lastly, some ideas on how we can begin to get there in a more determined, and supported, way.

Join me on February 21 at 10:30 am – either in person in Oconomowoc (405 E Forest St), or on line – for the first of these workshops.

You can check out my webpage here to learn a bit more about the themes we will be exploring and what kinds of tools and techniques I will be offering as we endeavor together to become ever more engaged and fulfilled Artists of our own Lives and of the Life of the Universe. 

And if you are already inspired to take this step forward towards creating a New Lens and a New Life for yourself in 2026, and beyond, you can sign up directly here. Please also send me an email to indicate if you intend to participate in person or online. 

I look forward to seeing you there, and in the meantime, I wish you the very best for a beautiful and inspiring beginning to 2026!

 

Your Authentic Self

Your Authentic Self

Hello everyone!

Even though we are now in February, Valentine’s Day is next Saturday and thus the theme of Relationship is on a lot of our minds, and in my October post I had mentioned that I would have been soon moving along in my exploration of the I- You relationship, I can’t help but continue along in my exploration of the first essential “piece” in any relationship – the relationship that we have with ourselves.

I can’t help but return to looking at the Authentic Self, what it is, what it means, and how we are called to connect with it. The other day a client told me “Authentic Self, ok, I get it …. or maybe I don’t! What IS the Authentic Self? What does it really MEAN to be AUTHENTIC???”

This got me pondering. I realized that while on the surface the answer can seem pretty straightforward, something like “to Thine Own Self be True” as Shakespeare’s Polonius pronounces in Hamlet when giving advice to his son (he was essentially telling his son to behave while visiting in the big city), if we look deeper we can see that it is not quite so simple.

The reason it is not as simple as “just behaving”, is because we are not such simple creatures. While there are certain general “rules” that apply to all of us, such as the need to eat healthy food, get enough rest, learn to have fulfilling relationships and develop meaningful engagement in life, the details of all these things can vary widely from individual to individual. The variables in what is good for our bodies, minds and souls can be quite profound, despite some commonalities we can have with certain groups of others. What is good for me, might not be good for you, and vice versa.

Add to this all those external factors, the circumstances and the people that have shaped us from our time in the womb forward, and we can see that being “true to thine own self” for most can be actually very challenging.

It often is not something that comes automatically; it requires that we make a decision to begin to discover first of all “who” we really are, and only then begin to also figure out how to express that authentic “self” that is lurking just below the surface, but is afraid to come out and show its true face, for fear of being ridiculed, abandoned, shunned, shamed or perhaps even more violently violated by those around.

For some, paradoxically, expressing oneself authentically might even mean breaking society’s most cherished rules; for others, it might mean accepting years of abuse and imprisonment, to achieve a huge goal that benefits all of humanity – such as with Nelson Mandela.

So, the fact of the matter is that while there are certain characteristics that can help us say – ah, yes, this is me being authentic, and this is how it shows up within me and in my life – it is, perhaps, one of the great paradoxes of human life that we are often deeply challenged to first discover who we are, how we function best, and then make the decision to begin to align ourselves with these inner truths, that can often bring us into direct contrast with what we have been taught to believe, about ourselves, about how life works, and all kinds of things.

Becoming authentic, expressing ourselves authentically, means also connecting with our Personal SELF, the “center of love and wisdom found within each human being”, as defined by A. Mercurio.

Our authentic, or Personal SELF is always nudging us towards deeper love and wholeness, and this can often mean first having to break through our conditioning, which can set off quite intense conflict, within ourselves and with those around us.

All of the religious and spiritual traditions of the world speak eloquently through their mythologies of the epic battles that must be fought so that a deep relationship can be forged between the I – the personality, also often known as the Ego  – and the SELF (also called the Soul in some schools of thought), and indeed, when we begin to undertake the difficult task of really listening to its urgings, it can feel quite frightening!

However, those who have chosen to do so, and become willing to go through the discomfort that such change requires, often attest to the new dimensions of awareness and integration, to say nothing of the joy of discovering the deeper purposes of life, that can be achieved.

But, as I said, the process can be complex, and painful; it is not something that most of choose without having to face some inner and outer conflict. Rarely do people undertake a path of self-discovery when everything is going along just fine!

In fact, some of the signs that your authentic SELF is wanting to be acknowledged and integrated into your conscious reality are anxiety (fears and worries that may or may not be “real”, in the sense of connected to actual life circumstances of the moment), depression, certain physical illnesses and symptoms, excessive shame and guilt, conflict with others, excessive isolation, being accident prone, addictions to/compulsive behaviors around food and  substances, money and property, people (love, approval, attention), prestige and the list goes on and on.

One of the less dramatic and painful symptoms, but nonetheless one to pay attention to, is just a nagging feeling that something is not right. Many people complain that even though they have gained all the money, recognition and satisfaction in their relationships they could possibly desire, they still feel that something is missing.

As you can see, in this view, almost all the things we can suffer from are connected to, on some level and to some degree of intensity, a problem with getting in touch with, acknowledging and expressing our “Authentic Self”.

Our Authentic Self, while deeply personal and unique, is also that part of us that connects us to the rest of Life, to the consciousness and the purpose of the Universe in which we live (however you may want to recognize that or call it).

As cells within various “lives” greater than our own little individual lives, we are a part of all life, and the way I imagine it, our Personal SELF is like a little spark that has inherent value, is influenced by the other lives and energies around it and in which it is inserted, and contributes to the wellbeing – or not – of these lives as well.

Whether or not we get in touch with our authentic, Personal SELF actually deeply influences the wellbeing of all levels of life around us.

When we are NOT aligned with our own individual purpose, when, due to our conditioning, we are following others’ plans and dreams for us, or are out of whack due to our traumas or lack of support in developing our ability to acknowledge and express that SELF, there is no way we can be at peace within ourselves and with others, or offer our unique contribution to the world in a way that is satisfying for us.

The SELF as a center of wisdom and love within us wants us to always be growing, becoming more deeply integrated, and connecting with others in creative, loving, life-giving ways.

The SELF does not expect perfection, nor does it consider anyone better or worse than anyone else. The SELF is relentless, however, in its goal for us – all of us, with no exception – to become ever more capable of loving ourselves and others, and of contributing to Life on many different planes with the authenticity of our own, personal expression, which is something that only we can bring into the world. 

It seems to be kind of a paradox when you think of it, because if we are each just one tiny cell within the gigantic “body” of the Universe (or even just of the earth, or of our community or family), how could our own personal realization possibly have any meaning, or affect anyone or anything else, outside of our immediate sphere of influence?

Well, if you look at the human body, we can see how great an effect even one cell that is “off” can have on the entire organism. With cancer cells, for example, we can clearly see the devastating effects that one cell that is “off” can produce, by creating a sort of domino effect all throughout the body.

The same can be true of each one of us. We can either affect positively or negatively not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us, and whereas I am not writing this to frighten or blame anyone, it is important that we become aware of just how important our own integration truly is, not only for ourselves, but to others, and to all of Life.

What is important that we become willing to acknowledge and accept, is that most of us have to make a conscious choice and an effort to first become aware of our Personal SELF, and then to learn to follow its urgings and nudgings, that are continuously being communicated to us, often through our bodies and minds, and experienced by us as some form of pain or discomfort.

Whereas we sometimes seem to believe that our “purpose” has to do with some hugely important accomplishment in the outside world, such as an important job or creative project, or having a particular kind of relationship or family, in reality the purpose of our SELF is something that is continually unfolding, day by day.

We are challenged in all kinds of situations to transform our emotions and energies; to shift out of automatic reactions that can do ourselves and others harm; to create new life, new levels of awareness and engagement within ourselves and with others, etc., etc.. And sometimes, the transformations we are called to carry out are quite the opposite of what we might think.

To be a bit more clear about this, let me use one example that has been very important for me to understand personally, and that I find many of my clients struggle with as well (both men and women, although for women it can often be especially tricky – but we’ll leave this discussion for another time): how to deal with the complex emotion of anger.

Most women have been deeply conditioned to not express anger of any kind, so, when their partner, children or anyone else does something that makes them angry, their first instinct is to repress this feeling. Now, while it is certainly better to repress anger than to lash out in a violent expression of it, the kind of repression that women often activate within themselves can be equally as dangerous, even though not as visible.

The inability to first acknowledge emotions such as anger, and then express them clearly and honestly in constructive ways to others – which means communicating our boundaries and limits, and therefore claiming our own “space” while asking others to respect that space – can often implode into not only depression, as is today commonly known, but can also become a literal wall that we build between ourselves and others.

Rather than allowing anger – which is often a signal that our boundaries have been infringed upon – to help us set things straight with those around us, it can wind up becoming a prison, for both ourselves and our relationships.

In this case, the repression of anger, which no doubt has helped us reign in our baser reactions and therefore has been an important aspect of our evolution and therefore of our Personal SELF’s goal for our individual and collective lives, can end up being an inhibition to the expression of that same SELF.

This does not mean that all control of anger must be thrown out the window and that we should just let it out and destroy ourselves and others, but it does mean that getting in touch with our authentic, Personal SELF involves also learning to become more flexible in how we are applying the rules and regulations of human relationships, so we can recognize what our real needs are, and begin to respond to them in healthy ways.

If we are to be authentic, we must learn how to express even the more difficult parts of ourselves, our shadows, our negative traits and our difficult emotions, not to be destructive, but to be real. 

When we can give ourselves permission to be real, to acknowledge that we are not perfect, and that we like everyone else, suffer from all the human shortcomings in some measure, we can actually learn to harness the energy contained in them, to use it for useful purposes.

Anger, for example, is what signals to us that there are boundary issues with others, and it can help us find the energy to confront someone who is not treating us with respect; it can give us the impetus to speak up in our own or another’s defense; it can help shake us out of our lethargy and find the help we are needing to turn our lives around. So, rather than repress and deny it, we must learn to harness it, and use it in constructive ways (and A. Mercurio also has an interesting term for this,  “the love force”, which is a combination of love and hatred, used for constructive purposes).

If we look at it in this manner, we can see how precious even a difficult emotion like anger can be, and we can learn how to use its energy to improve our lives. I know that as I personally have learned to utilize anger in a constructive way, all my relationships have improved, in the sense that I now feel truly authentic and whole when I interact with others. I can work through resentments much quicker, and let things go …. and I am also much better at being able to distinguish who is truly good for me in my life, and who it is better to keep my distance from, because there is just no possibility for a mutually enriching , truly authentic, exchange.

I also see how learning new strategies and tools to transform anger into a positive energy transforms my clients, which is even more thrilling. There is nothing more heartening than to see someone who has felt like a beaten-down wallflower step into a greater love and acceptance of him or herself, and begin to shine!

If you are feeling nudges from your own Authentic Self, or are wanting to learn how to express yourself in ways that feel freeing and empowering, open up to considering getting help in doing so. Often it is in the act of connecting to others who are just a bit further along the path that we can find the new information and support that we are needing to connect to our Authentic Selves and begin feeling the love and seeing the beauty that is already here for us to embrace.

Click here to get an idea of what kinds of services I offer and don’t hesitate to contact me today. As someone who has been walking this path for a while now, I know how important this journey is, not just for each one of us, but for all of humanity, and it is an honor to be able to help others and be of service to life by sharing a bit of what I have learned – and continue to learn from and with my clients – along the way.

My best to all and ….. till next time! Maybe in my next post I will finally get to the whole relationship-with-other-thing…. and maybe my new website will be finished, too! Miracles happen every day ….. 🙂

Much love,

MarthaÂ