The Double Spiral in Psychological and Spiritual Healing and Resilience

The Double Spiral in Psychological and Spiritual Healing and Resilience

by | Feb 15, 2026 | Life as a Gift and a Work of Art, Blog, Existential Personalistic Anthropology, Family, Holistic Counseling and Coaching, Love, Psychology, Self-Love and Self-Care, Tools

Martha S Bache-Wiig LLC

I have been thinking a lot about the symbol I chose for my new logo – the Double Spiral.

Symbols have been used by humans for millennia to elicit associations within our minds that then trigger thoughts, feelings and even actions.

Today the double spiral might not be as familiar to us as other symbols, such as religious ones like the cross for Christianity, or the 6 pointed star for Judaism, or – to use a modern symbol well known throughout the world, the golden arches of a fast food chain that tells us many things about modern culture (i.e. the speed that food can be prepared and served is more important than the quality of the food itself, etc.).

Nonetheless, although you may have never really noticed it before, the double spiral is an incredibly ancient symbol, and has been used by various cultures throughout the world through the millennia to inspire reflection on the continuous flow of opposites that we experience in our lives: day and night/light and darkness, life and death, the masculine principle and the feminine principle, what we experience inside ourselves and what instead we perceive coming from outside ourselves, etc. etc..

Sometimes it is shown lying horizontally, symbolizing the rising and setting of the sun, and thus the constant flow of life from day, to night, or from the birth of life to the end of it.

When it is instead depicted as in my logo, with its spiraling arms reaching up and down, it elicits a more psychological and spiritual idea of

the deeper we go in understanding our own inner selves, the roots of our lives in our experiential histories and realities, the higher we can go in our ability to experience the truth of life and the joy and “enlightenment” – literally reaching the light – that brings.

In other words, it urges us to remember that when we dig deep into the causes that lie behind our current experience of the world, good or bad, we become free and energized to experience the upward motion of the spiral, towards the light.

In essence, this simple symbol is telling us:

The deeper we dive into our darkness – the painful memories of past traumas, harms and hurts received that continue to drive our reactions in the present; the unaddressed mistakes and weaknesses we have shown; our repressed and often misplaced guilt and shame for our desires and dreams we were taught were wrong; the unprocessed anger and rage that we rightly felt as helpless children when we were harmed by our caregivers or by life itself, and that must be acknowledged and released in healthy ways because otherwise it poisons us – the more enlightened we can become.

The more we journey into our depths so we can embrace and heal the pain that lies hidden there, the freer we become to experience the Beauty of Life.

And not only does it remind us that the deeper we go, the higher we go; it also reminds us that this movement is constant, and does not necessarily happen at the same time. It requires that each movement is experienced separately.

We dive down: we are brought into feelings of pain, depression, despair, anger and rage, etc. by events in life or by our memories. We are flooded with all those difficult emotions; we are sometimes quite literally dragged through their “mud”.

But if we find the courage and the right kind of guidance, we can wade through it and gain important insights along the way. We can find new energy to make new choices and move back up towards the light. We can let go of our addictive patterns that keep us enslaved to unhealthy ways of thinking and acting, to toxic relationships, and all the other ways that the pain of our past continues to play out in our present.

And we move upward, toward the light of new understanding, new levels of love for ourselves, of responsibility and freedom and even joy.

Until the next time we need to dive back down, to release a bit more of our painful histories, or even some of the ancestral trauma we carry within our own hearts and minds. As we do so, the pain can still be great: the deeper we go, the deeper the pain can actually be.

But, the more adept we become at diving into old pain or even the new pain that can come through the kinds of losses and challenges we face in our current lives, the better we get at working through it, and deciding to use this complex energy to make new decisions, to create something new, to rise back up, within ourselves, towards the light.

This is a fine Art; it is the Art of transforming our pain into new life, our failures into new decisions, our traumas into new abilities to love ourselves and others in healthier, more evolved and enlightened ways.

And as we learn this delicate, difficult and yet incredibly inspiring Existential Art of dancing along the double spiral, we create our own Lives as a Work of Art. We become living examples of Life in how it transforms itself and how love and new, enlivened energies can truly be born from the deepest pits of desperation, destruction and despair.

I first learned about this symbol during a supervision I was doing with Antonio Mercurio. I was feeling a lot of despair for how hard it still was for me sometimes, even after decades of very intensive work on myself, to feel any kind of consistent levity of spirit. I was still often on the verge of despair, struggling inside myself to feel any real love for myself or my life. The pain of my early abandonment was still affecting me in many different ways, and it seemed as though my inability to “just get over it” was a clear indication of a failure on my part.

Antonio, instead, assured me that this was not the case. That if I was feeling that much pain, there were still lessons to be learned for it, that I simply was being invited to continue to dive in, and build those internal “muscles” I needed to be able to feel it all, and slowly release it. That if I had suffered so terribly, it meant that I was sensitive, not stupid, and that today my task was to be able to embrace these wounded parts of myself and love them back to health.

And then he told me about the Double Spiral, that he himself had learned about while reading Reinhold Niebuhr, and that had also helped him in his own journey, which was equally challenging, as he, too, was often drawn in very deeply and invited by his Self to clear out every little speck of fear, anger, lack of trust towards life, resentment and hatred and all the rest.

He encouraged me to spend some time and perhaps draw or paint this symbol, and he reminded me that I was not alone in my journey.

I indeed sat down right away after my session, and attempted to create an image that could express this concept of a double spiral where one arm reached down into the pits of my pain, and the other instead circled upwards, towards ever-higher and lighter feelings of freedom, creativity, presence and love. Those early attempts were pretty rudimentary and certainly nothing to show others, but they had a cathartic effect on me.

Sometime later, I found out that Niebuhr not only talked about the double spiral, but that he was also attributed with writing the Serenity Prayer, used widely first in Alcoholics Anonymous, and later in all the 12 step programs that followed in its footsteps. Today, the Serenity Prayer is something that many people here in the USA know about, even if they don’t know the actual prayer itself.

As a recovering person myself, I already knew the Serenity Prayer by heart, and for years I had considered it, and the 12 step approach, the second “pillar” of my own personal healing and evolution, along with the first which was my journey in Existential Personalistic and Cosmoartistic Anthropology.

I consider my path in EPA, in fact, the doorway that made it possible for me to not only develop myself professionally and become a counselor in that method as well as a licensed psychologist: perhaps most importantly, it opened my eyes, my heart and my mind to the reality of the spiritual dimension, and to the opportunity to develop this part of my Self without necessarily having to adhere to any kind of religion.

It helped me begin to open to broader concepts of “god” beyond those I had been raised with and that I had rejected many years before, which in turn allowed me to open up to the 12 step approach, and finally achieve lasting release from various ways my compulsive disorder had “disordered” me throughout my life.

These two pillars, in fact, along with then many other techniques that I have picked up along the way, continue to guide me as I go through my life, through the constant cycles of dipping down into the darkness of my personal and ancestral and even the collective history of humanity, to then lift back up into new levels of inspiration, love of myself of others and of life, of an increasing ability to receive the goodness and beauty that is also here, and to use the entirety of my journey as a service to the whole.

May you also find the strength and courage that you need to dive deep and embrace your wounds with loving compassion, so you can then rise back into your life with increasing confidence and wholeness.

It is not an easy journey, I know well – but undertaking a journey with the help and guidance of others who are doing it themselves, and who have also devoted considerable time, energy and money to learn how to help others, is truly an incredible experience.

That is what I decided to do, back in January of 1990 …. and since that moment, my life has taken a completely different trajectory than it would have otherwise.

I chose to heed the call of my soul to dive in deep…. and while the effort required to become truly Alive, no longer medicating myself or running from the pain in other ways, has sometimes felt daunting and impossible, it has brought me to a quality of life – both inner and outer – that I would have never dreamed possible.

Yes, it might mean feeling some pain sometimes, still …. and even feeling hopeless; when I am down in that lower spiral, it can still sometimes feel endlessly dark, lonely, and without any real purpose.

But with practice, I have learned that every dip “down” truly is followed by insights that then allow me to make new choices and move back up to the ascending spiral, and reach ever greater integration, awareness, agency and creativity. Joy.

It does take effort, and today I now know without any doubt that no one can do this work but me. We are each called to embrace our own lives, our own souls, and choose what we are going to do.

Every day we have a choice:

are we going to choose despair and hopelessness, or entrust ourselves completely to the beliefs and whims of others?

Even well meaning family, friends, medical professionals or even apps designed to rewire our brains cannot do the inner work for us. (And while yes, our brains need to be rewired and there is no question that using apps can help us “reprogram” ourselves, they can not give us the love we desperately need, that we can only receive from other beings that are alive and can engage in emotionally energized exchanges with us).

Or are we going to dive in, and choose to take new action and connect with others who can help us learn how to love ourselves, our lives, and Life itself in new, more life-enhancing ways – not because they are telling us what to do out of text-book learning (even though the learning is valid and important – but alone it is not infused with the emotional value of experience, which develops empathy and compassion), but because they know what the journey is like?

There are many ways we can choose Life over remaining stuck and suffering. Today, thanks to the many developments in psychological and spiritual understandings, informed also (but not replaced by) the incredible technological advances we are benefitting from, we have all kinds of philosophies, therapeutic approaches, practitioners and options to choose from.

For me, the one that has always excited me the most, and has offered a foundation for my own personal and professional growth even while exploring many other fascinating and helpful techniques (such as Family Constellations and Evolutionary/Transformational Astrology and Human Design), is Antonio Mercurio’s ideas around Life as a Work of Art (the link will take you to a page describing my new workshop – check it out, it might be a great way to start your journey), and if you have found my site, welcome.

I hope you find some inspiration and if you are looking for guidance and support I am more than happy to explore if working together could be a good fit.

Contact me to set up a free 15 minute chat, or you are also welcome to send me an email with any questions you may have. I always answer my emails, and usually manage to find time for sessions quite quickly, within a couple/few weeks at most. I look forward to hearing from you, and in any case wish you the very best in your own journey of healing, self discovery and unfoldment.

Life is Beautiful, and it is waiting for you.

 

 

New Year, New Lens! Here’s to 2026 🌟

by | Dec 30, 2025 | Holistic Counseling and Coaching, Blog, Existential Personalistic Anthropology, Groups and Workshops, Life as a Gift and a Work of Art, Love, Psychology, Self-Love and Self-Care, Services

 Hello Friends!

As we step into 2026, I wanted to share with you a new way of looking at life and the many challenges we can often be faced with, both individually and on a collective level, and that can be of great help in these tumultuous, difficult and yet exciting times of rapid change.

I hope that with the dawning of a new year you will find new energy and inspiration to bring a deeper love and appreciation for your own self and your life, so you can share your unique gifts and talents with others with increasing confidence, satisfaction, and enjoyment: my new workshops, based on these ideas, are being offered with this goal in mind, and I am looking forward to sharing them with you!

Life as a Gift and a Work of Art.

What does this mean, exactly?

It is not so much a therapeutic technique as a way of thinking and seeing the trauma we carry, and the accomplishments and challenges that are present in our lives from the moment of our conception onward, through a brand new lens.

All kinds of tools and techniques can be used to help us develop this kind of Artistry, from more traditional talk therapy to the most avant-garde energy techniques becoming more and more popular over time.  What is important is to define what it actually means to become an Artist of our Life, and why we might want to do so. 

First developed by Antonio Mercurio, the founder of Existential Personalistic and Cosmoartistic Anthropology, it is a holistic way of seeing our human experience, and while it fully honors and recognizes the kind of profound discomfort and disorientation we can experience when we are faced with pain and loss, it also encourages us to see these traumas not so much as condemnations or punishments, but as potential motors for new ways of Being, Seeing, Experiencing, and thus Creating new ways of Living.

It encourages us to embrace even the most difficult past or present traumas and struggles as important parts of our story, as often they are the motors that help us find the strength and courage to change not only how we see and care for ourselves, but how we see the world, and how we truly want to live in it. As we turn to address those inner and outer obstacles that bring us dissatisfaction and trouble and manage to overcome them, we not only live better ourselves, but we create a powerful, transformational energy. This energy is such that it can not only help us continue to heal and grow, heal and grow as we face the various challenges that come up in every life, but, like great works of Art that we may admire in the galleries of the world, it sparks inspiration to create such Beauty in others as well.

The beauty we are talking about here is not the aesthetic beauty normally ascribed to material things; it is an inner beauty that transforms pain into love, fear into new dreams, and opens in the most wounded of souls to new possibilities.

Just as an artist uses many different colors to create a powerful painting, so, too, can we learn to combine the many elements of our lives, including the painful ones, to create a new sense of ourselves and, sometimes, an entirely new direction in our lives.

By shifting our inner attitudes from those of feeling that we are powerless victims of circumstance – which can be very difficult when we come from family and/or societal and cultural situations that are abusive, dysfunctional and deny us basic rights – to realizing that we can learn to love ourselves and our lives, and improve our circumstances through that love and through acts of existential creativity, we can build something entirely new out.

When we choose to do so, we are activating our Inner Artist and becoming actively engaged in affirming the deepest goals of our Higher Self .

The Inner Artist is that part of ourselves that expresses our basic freedom to choose to either move towards love of ourselves and our unique life purpose – our True Self – or instead move away from it. When we move towards our life purpose we feel more fulfilled and whole; when instead we move away from it, we feel empty, conflicted, and full of all kinds of problems. This does not mean that we make one giant leap and become either completely One with our Higher Self, or completely disconnected from it. Although some people may experience such extreme moments of inner choice making and never change again, most of us are on a journey that begins the moment we are conceived, and ends the moment we die. We are offered many choices to experience both types of movements, and with every step forward, or back, we learn something new about ourselves and our lives and about Life itself, as well.

And sometimes we are blocked from moving towards our life purpose by difficult external circumstances. If our parents / caregivers in early life, families and societies are unable to offer us the kind of nurturing and support we need to feel in touch with our own Self and our own deeper value and meaning as a human being, it can be extremely difficult to feel the kind of freedom and confidence we need to do so.

We can also be also be inhibited by types of loyalties and expectations that pull us away from our Selves to make others in our life happy, or to keep the peace, but the cost in our mental, emotional and even physical health can be high. 

Whatever the case may be, the Authentic or True Self, even when deeply buried within us beneath layers of denial and repression, never goes away. Often it takes time for us to be able to truly hear its call and even more time to listen to it. It is a common experience that something happens in the course of our life – a loss, an illness, a divorce, a deep personal crisis of some sort – that forces us to stop and pay attention. The pain of denying our inner truths becomes greater than the fear of listening, and in those moments, we open our minds and hearts, and begin an entirely new journey.

The Inner Artist is always there, and we can tap into its energy at any time, although we often need to learn how to do so in ways that feel right to us, and that can truly lead us towards the purpose contained in our True Self, rather than remain stuck in our past conditioning that suffocates that purpose, or even actively oppose it.

The thing about learning how to access our Inner Artist is that there is no set manual to do so. The manual for our “best life”, along with our ability to truly love ourselves and our lives in respectful connection with others and with Life itself, is written within us, not within anyone else.

For this reason, it is a journey that only we can undertake for ourselves. We need help to do so, because none of us, just like no other life form, grows or changes in a vacuum. We are here to spark growth in each other, and to cheer each other on in an increasingly give and take movement.

But in ultimate analysis, only we can make the choices that lead us towards a loving expression of our unique being, or away from it.

And often the journey is one step forward, and two steps back! It is not an “art” that we learn once. It is an art that we must become willing to practice, to the best of our ability, day after day, accepting that some days we will be more effective than others… but that every day that we try, is a good day.

As we learn this complex and delicate art and tune into our Selves while tuning out the effects of our wounding and conditioning, we become ever more capable of expressing what it is that we are here to express.

This does not mean that we have to be actual “artists” in our daily lives. Whether or not we engage in the “arts” per se, music, painting, dance, etc., or not, we are innately creative, because Life itself is creative, and we are a part of life.

We may be mothers, or fathers, or farmers, or teachers, or CEOs, or scientists; religious people, doctors, lawyers, mechanics, gardeners or not yet clear about anything we are or want to be or do; we may want to live in the woods by ourselves, or feel engaged and important within the hustle of a large metropolis. We may engage in many activities, or few; have many friends and family members, or choose to be alone; be ambitious and driven towards forms of material and societal success and recognition, or satisfied with a simple life.

Each of us is unique, and how we feel most in tune with ourselves and purposeful in our own journey is … well, sacred, and valid, because each life, thus each and every one of us, is sacred and valid.

But often times we don’t know this, because negative voices from our past are louder than the whispers of our Self … and our lack of connection with our inherent worth and our true purpose creates rifts within ourselves and in our interactions with others and the outside world that bring immense confusion, pain, and inner and outer conflict.

When instead we choose to tune into our Inner Artist and affirm the purpose contained within our Personal, Higher Self, we can become capable of making decisions based on love for ourselves and others – an ability to enhance Life in all its forms. And not only does our life begin to evolve in ways that we never dreamed possible, but our own increasing liberation, freedom, and ability to truly enjoy our lives inspires others to make the same effort.

But as I mentioned above, although the Inner Artist is ever-present, as is the Self, learning how to hone our Existential Artistry and actually follow the guidance we receive does often require some deliberate effort and intentional focus on our part. Even the most fortunate among us can be called to higher levels of Self expression, which require new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting in the world.

And just as people with natural artistic talent need to be willing to learn specific techniques and skills so they can best express their gifts, if we want to become expert Artists of our Lives, we, too need to learn new ways of seeing ourselves, our traumas and struggles, our conditioning and our free decisions whether they be Self-affirming, or Self-denying.

We need to become willing look at what the painful experiences we encounter can mean for us, and change our thinking and sometimes even our ways of living to embrace a more enlivened, holistic and engaged way of being.

It does not mean that when we do so we will become perfect, or that we will no longer encounter obstacles; it does not guarantee a quick fix for our inner pain or an automatic solution to the complex and difficult experiences life brings to our door.

Life itself is constantly changing, and we are called to go along with it, even when doing so means letting go of ideas, people, ways of being and thinking that we believed were “forever”.

This new paradigm of Life as a Gift and a Work of Art is not only a new way of seeing and experiencing the world for ourselves and how we can collaborate and connect with others that is not only nurturing and healing, but it is an antidote for the kinds of anxieties that times such as the one we are all living in, during a major evolutionary push. As such, it is not only a huge help, but it is truly exciting!

But how, you may ask, do we embrace this new paradigm, and apply it to our day to day lives?

In the workshops I will be offering in 2026- so far three, on February 21, April 18, and June 20 2026, from 10:30 am to 12:00 pm – we will explore a variety of simple but effective tools and techniques to help you begin to see your own Life as a Work of Art. We will start out by assessing where we are now in our journeys, and from there move on to exploring what we would like to bring into our lives or what we would like to change, and, lastly, some ideas on how we can begin to get there in a more determined, and supported, way.

Join me on February 21 at 10:30 am – either in person in Oconomowoc (405 E Forest St), or on line – for the first of these workshops.

You can check out my webpage here to learn a bit more about the themes we will be exploring and what kinds of tools and techniques I will be offering as we endeavor together to become ever more engaged and fulfilled Artists of our own Lives and of the Life of the Universe. 

And if you are already inspired to take this step forward towards creating a New Lens and a New Life for yourself in 2026, and beyond, you can sign up directly here. Please also send me an email to indicate if you intend to participate in person or online. 

I look forward to seeing you there, and in the meantime, I wish you the very best for a beautiful and inspiring beginning to 2026!

 

Loving Others As Ourselves? What?!

Loving Others As Ourselves? What?!

by | Jul 22, 2025 | Love

two people holding up the moon

 

 

 

 

Part III of the series on Love: 

 

 

 

 

  Loving Others in Intimate Relationship

 

 

 

 

“Everyone comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” – Unknown

 

 

 

 

I run into the this quote often around the internet, browsing various articles, blogs and books about relationship. It seems to sum up pretty well one of the most important things we need to be aware of when we are navigating the often difficult waters of intimate relationship: that we all have histories that shape how we feel about ourselves and our lives, and how we interact with others. Rather than try to avoid this reality, we must be prepared to face it, both with regards to ourselves, and to our partners!

 

 

 

 

As I touched on in my two earlier posts on Love of Self, our most important “love” relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves; our ability to build a loving relationship with another person is rooted in our ability to love and care for ourselves. As I often tell my clients, our partners are mirrors of how we feel about ourselves; if you have any questions about where you are at in your ability to love yourself, look at your relationship (or your lack of one, as the case may be)!

 

 

 

 

Even though this idea can seem confusing, because it can take a while, and require  “work”, to truly understand how our surrounding reality is indeed a reflection of our own stories, of our beliefs and convictions about life and ourselves, it is an awareness that can bring us a new ability to make choices in our lives, and grow ever more into a “reality” that brings us the love and fulfillment we all long so much for.

 

 

 

 

It truly is an “unpacking” that we have to do – because nothing more than a love relationship forces us to look at the relationship patterns and “set points” that we carry deep within us. Many of these patterns were established in our earliest moments, even before we have coherent, visual memory, because they came to be during our life in the womb – that most delicate and formative time, when we are in deep symbiotic relationship with our mothers, even though we are not aware of it in a conscious way.

 

 

 

 

Even more than being psychological or emotional “habits”, they are biochemical pathways within us, as research over the last few decades has shown (and those of us who are trained in Existential Personalistic Anthropology pay specific attention to intrauterine conditioning and work on breaking free of it, in ourselves and with our clients); we are not aware that we are conditioned in this manner, as they dictate our likes and dislikes, our reactions and decisions, at a level that is below our daily consciousness, but indeed we are, as any more careful examination of our lives can help us see.

 

If you have ever found yourself in a relationship situation where you find yourself thinking , “oh no! I have done it again!!!” or “oh no! This person/situation is exactly like the last one!”, you know exactly what I am talking about  😕 On a conscious level, we think we “know” what we want when it comes to our lives and our relationships, but it often requires some digging to go into our existential unconscious (a part of the unconscious that A. Mercurio identified as containing our earliest traumas and our reactions to them) and discover the true weight that our difficult experiences have had on our ability to achieve it, and begin to transform them so we can achieve the connection we long for.

 

Even the most apparently “ideal” intrauterine and early childhood situations can leave scars; none of us come into the world without some form of struggle, due to the simple reality that our mothers and fathers are human beings themselves, and have experienced their own conditioning, for good or bad.

 

Does that mean that we are all doomed to never experience the love we are longing for?

Absolutely not. To the contrary, it indicates a simple truth that can be somewhat uncomfortable for us to recognize and embrace, but that actually brings with it a lot of promise: trauma and pain are a part of life, but they can become “motors” that drive us to find ways of transforming them into new ways of living and of loving; ways that are more deeply aligned with our authentic Selves, and that contribute to the greater good.

 

 

 

 

We have a choice as to how we deal with our “baggage”. We can pretend we don’t have any, and point our fingers at others’ defects, putting all the blame for our difficulties on to them; we can consider our problems, our pain and illness and loneliness impossible to overcome, and abandon ourselves to feeling we are unfortunate victims, unique in our misery; or, we can decide to look at our difficulties straight in the eye, and ask them to help us see where it is we need to unpack our baggage, really see what it is that we are carrying around with us, and begin to decide what to do with it.

The questions we must ask ourselves are:

What is it that we must discard and free ourselves of?

What is it that we must transform?

Who must we forgive, so we can lighten our load and learn to let go?

Who can we ask to teach us the things we might not have yet been able to learn, such as new definitions of love, healthy boundaries, and all the rest?

The journey is not necessarily an easy one, to become truly present in partnership and to see our partner in their wholeness – baggage included. But it is well worth the effort. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Authentic Self

Your Authentic Self

by | Feb 10, 2019 | Blog, Holistic Counseling and Coaching, Love, Services

Hello everyone!

Even though we are now in February, Valentine’s Day is next Saturday and thus the theme of Relationship is on a lot of our minds, and in my October post I had mentioned that I would have been soon moving along in my exploration of the I- You relationship, I can’t help but continue along in my exploration of the first essential “piece” in any relationship – the relationship that we have with ourselves.

I can’t help but return to looking at the Authentic Self, what it is, what it means, and how we are called to connect with it. The other day a client told me “Authentic Self, ok, I get it …. or maybe I don’t! What IS the Authentic Self? What does it really MEAN to be AUTHENTIC???”

This got me pondering. I realized that while on the surface the answer can seem pretty straightforward, something like “to Thine Own Self be True” as Shakespeare’s Polonius pronounces in Hamlet when giving advice to his son (he was essentially telling his son to behave while visiting in the big city), if we look deeper we can see that it is not quite so simple.

The reason it is not as simple as “just behaving”, is because we are not such simple creatures. While there are certain general “rules” that apply to all of us, such as the need to eat healthy food, get enough rest, learn to have fulfilling relationships and develop meaningful engagement in life, the details of all these things can vary widely from individual to individual. The variables in what is good for our bodies, minds and souls can be quite profound, despite some commonalities we can have with certain groups of others. What is good for me, might not be good for you, and vice versa.

Add to this all those external factors, the circumstances and the people that have shaped us from our time in the womb forward, and we can see that being “true to thine own self” for most can be actually very challenging.

It often is not something that comes automatically; it requires that we make a decision to begin to discover first of all “who” we really are, and only then begin to also figure out how to express that authentic “self” that is lurking just below the surface, but is afraid to come out and show its true face, for fear of being ridiculed, abandoned, shunned, shamed or perhaps even more violently violated by those around.

For some, paradoxically, expressing oneself authentically might even mean breaking society’s most cherished rules; for others, it might mean accepting years of abuse and imprisonment, to achieve a huge goal that benefits all of humanity – such as with Nelson Mandela.

So, the fact of the matter is that while there are certain characteristics that can help us say – ah, yes, this is me being authentic, and this is how it shows up within me and in my life – it is, perhaps, one of the great paradoxes of human life that we are often deeply challenged to first discover who we are, how we function best, and then make the decision to begin to align ourselves with these inner truths, that can often bring us into direct contrast with what we have been taught to believe, about ourselves, about how life works, and all kinds of things.

Becoming authentic, expressing ourselves authentically, means also connecting with our Personal SELF, the “center of love and wisdom found within each human being”, as defined by A. Mercurio.

Our authentic, or Personal SELF is always nudging us towards deeper love and wholeness, and this can often mean first having to break through our conditioning, which can set off quite intense conflict, within ourselves and with those around us.

All of the religious and spiritual traditions of the world speak eloquently through their mythologies of the epic battles that must be fought so that a deep relationship can be forged between the I – the personality, also often known as the Ego  – and the SELF (also called the Soul in some schools of thought), and indeed, when we begin to undertake the difficult task of really listening to its urgings, it can feel quite frightening!

However, those who have chosen to do so, and become willing to go through the discomfort that such change requires, often attest to the new dimensions of awareness and integration, to say nothing of the joy of discovering the deeper purposes of life, that can be achieved.

But, as I said, the process can be complex, and painful; it is not something that most of choose without having to face some inner and outer conflict. Rarely do people undertake a path of self-discovery when everything is going along just fine!

In fact, some of the signs that your authentic SELF is wanting to be acknowledged and integrated into your conscious reality are anxiety (fears and worries that may or may not be “real”, in the sense of connected to actual life circumstances of the moment), depression, certain physical illnesses and symptoms, excessive shame and guilt, conflict with others, excessive isolation, being accident prone, addictions to/compulsive behaviors around food and  substances, money and property, people (love, approval, attention), prestige and the list goes on and on.

One of the less dramatic and painful symptoms, but nonetheless one to pay attention to, is just a nagging feeling that something is not right. Many people complain that even though they have gained all the money, recognition and satisfaction in their relationships they could possibly desire, they still feel that something is missing.

As you can see, in this view, almost all the things we can suffer from are connected to, on some level and to some degree of intensity, a problem with getting in touch with, acknowledging and expressing our “Authentic Self”.

Our Authentic Self, while deeply personal and unique, is also that part of us that connects us to the rest of Life, to the consciousness and the purpose of the Universe in which we live (however you may want to recognize that or call it).

As cells within various “lives” greater than our own little individual lives, we are a part of all life, and the way I imagine it, our Personal SELF is like a little spark that has inherent value, is influenced by the other lives and energies around it and in which it is inserted, and contributes to the wellbeing – or not – of these lives as well.

Whether or not we get in touch with our authentic, Personal SELF actually deeply influences the wellbeing of all levels of life around us.

When we are NOT aligned with our own individual purpose, when, due to our conditioning, we are following others’ plans and dreams for us, or are out of whack due to our traumas or lack of support in developing our ability to acknowledge and express that SELF, there is no way we can be at peace within ourselves and with others, or offer our unique contribution to the world in a way that is satisfying for us.

The SELF as a center of wisdom and love within us wants us to always be growing, becoming more deeply integrated, and connecting with others in creative, loving, life-giving ways.

The SELF does not expect perfection, nor does it consider anyone better or worse than anyone else. The SELF is relentless, however, in its goal for us – all of us, with no exception – to become ever more capable of loving ourselves and others, and of contributing to Life on many different planes with the authenticity of our own, personal expression, which is something that only we can bring into the world. 

It seems to be kind of a paradox when you think of it, because if we are each just one tiny cell within the gigantic “body” of the Universe (or even just of the earth, or of our community or family), how could our own personal realization possibly have any meaning, or affect anyone or anything else, outside of our immediate sphere of influence?

Well, if you look at the human body, we can see how great an effect even one cell that is “off” can have on the entire organism. With cancer cells, for example, we can clearly see the devastating effects that one cell that is “off” can produce, by creating a sort of domino effect all throughout the body.

The same can be true of each one of us. We can either affect positively or negatively not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us, and whereas I am not writing this to frighten or blame anyone, it is important that we become aware of just how important our own integration truly is, not only for ourselves, but to others, and to all of Life.

What is important that we become willing to acknowledge and accept, is that most of us have to make a conscious choice and an effort to first become aware of our Personal SELF, and then to learn to follow its urgings and nudgings, that are continuously being communicated to us, often through our bodies and minds, and experienced by us as some form of pain or discomfort.

Whereas we sometimes seem to believe that our “purpose” has to do with some hugely important accomplishment in the outside world, such as an important job or creative project, or having a particular kind of relationship or family, in reality the purpose of our SELF is something that is continually unfolding, day by day.

We are challenged in all kinds of situations to transform our emotions and energies; to shift out of automatic reactions that can do ourselves and others harm; to create new life, new levels of awareness and engagement within ourselves and with others, etc., etc.. And sometimes, the transformations we are called to carry out are quite the opposite of what we might think.

To be a bit more clear about this, let me use one example that has been very important for me to understand personally, and that I find many of my clients struggle with as well (both men and women, although for women it can often be especially tricky – but we’ll leave this discussion for another time): how to deal with the complex emotion of anger.

Most women have been deeply conditioned to not express anger of any kind, so, when their partner, children or anyone else does something that makes them angry, their first instinct is to repress this feeling. Now, while it is certainly better to repress anger than to lash out in a violent expression of it, the kind of repression that women often activate within themselves can be equally as dangerous, even though not as visible.

The inability to first acknowledge emotions such as anger, and then express them clearly and honestly in constructive ways to others – which means communicating our boundaries and limits, and therefore claiming our own “space” while asking others to respect that space – can often implode into not only depression, as is today commonly known, but can also become a literal wall that we build between ourselves and others.

Rather than allowing anger – which is often a signal that our boundaries have been infringed upon – to help us set things straight with those around us, it can wind up becoming a prison, for both ourselves and our relationships.

In this case, the repression of anger, which no doubt has helped us reign in our baser reactions and therefore has been an important aspect of our evolution and therefore of our Personal SELF’s goal for our individual and collective lives, can end up being an inhibition to the expression of that same SELF.

This does not mean that all control of anger must be thrown out the window and that we should just let it out and destroy ourselves and others, but it does mean that getting in touch with our authentic, Personal SELF involves also learning to become more flexible in how we are applying the rules and regulations of human relationships, so we can recognize what our real needs are, and begin to respond to them in healthy ways.

If we are to be authentic, we must learn how to express even the more difficult parts of ourselves, our shadows, our negative traits and our difficult emotions, not to be destructive, but to be real. 

When we can give ourselves permission to be real, to acknowledge that we are not perfect, and that we like everyone else, suffer from all the human shortcomings in some measure, we can actually learn to harness the energy contained in them, to use it for useful purposes.

Anger, for example, is what signals to us that there are boundary issues with others, and it can help us find the energy to confront someone who is not treating us with respect; it can give us the impetus to speak up in our own or another’s defense; it can help shake us out of our lethargy and find the help we are needing to turn our lives around. So, rather than repress and deny it, we must learn to harness it, and use it in constructive ways (and A. Mercurio also has an interesting term for this,  “the love force”, which is a combination of love and hatred, used for constructive purposes).

If we look at it in this manner, we can see how precious even a difficult emotion like anger can be, and we can learn how to use its energy to improve our lives. I know that as I personally have learned to utilize anger in a constructive way, all my relationships have improved, in the sense that I now feel truly authentic and whole when I interact with others. I can work through resentments much quicker, and let things go …. and I am also much better at being able to distinguish who is truly good for me in my life, and who it is better to keep my distance from, because there is just no possibility for a mutually enriching , truly authentic, exchange.

I also see how learning new strategies and tools to transform anger into a positive energy transforms my clients, which is even more thrilling. There is nothing more heartening than to see someone who has felt like a beaten-down wallflower step into a greater love and acceptance of him or herself, and begin to shine!

If you are feeling nudges from your own Authentic Self, or are wanting to learn how to express yourself in ways that feel freeing and empowering, open up to considering getting help in doing so. Often it is in the act of connecting to others who are just a bit further along the path that we can find the new information and support that we are needing to connect to our Authentic Selves and begin feeling the love and seeing the beauty that is already here for us to embrace.

Click here to get an idea of what kinds of services I offer and don’t hesitate to contact me today. As someone who has been walking this path for a while now, I know how important this journey is, not just for each one of us, but for all of humanity, and it is an honor to be able to help others and be of service to life by sharing a bit of what I have learned – and continue to learn from and with my clients – along the way.

My best to all and ….. till next time! Maybe in my next post I will finally get to the whole relationship-with-other-thing…. and maybe my new website will be finished, too! Miracles happen every day ….. 🙂

Much love,

Martha